For days, the rain pouring from the heavens showed no sign of stopping.
Perhaps it was because the world beyond the rain-streaked window was so dim, but today my reflection in the glass appeared unusually clear.
In just a few days, my face had grown noticeably thinner. My once-lustrous golden curls had become dry and lifeless. The brilliant ruby-red eyes that had once sparkled with vitality had long since lost their light.
The moment I caught sight of myself, a bitter sigh escaped my lips.
When did I become so pathetic?
"Ha..."
A cloud of white breath drifted into the air.
The abandoned palace, left without a single fire burning, was unbearably cold.
The only warmth came from the teacup resting against my fingertips. Inside it, the golden liquid carried the sweet fragrance of honey.
Poison.
I turned my gaze toward the knight standing silently beside me.
"Ar."
He looked back at me with eyes so devoid of emotion that not even a grain of rice's worth could be found within them.
Even so, he did not urge me to drink.
After more than ten royal guards had abandoned me, Ar alone remained.
He had stayed by my side longer than anyone else in this palace.
Forcing my stiff lips apart, I finally spoke.
"...I'm sorry, Ar."
"What is there for Your Imperial Highness to apologize for?"
"...I... wasn't strong enough..."
"It is not Your Highness's fault. It is I who have failed in my duty to protect my liege. Please do not apologize."
His reply was textbook-perfect.
His voice was calm and formal.
Yet somehow, that only made my heart ache even more.
He had always been an honest, upright man.
A knight with no influential family or connections, overlooked despite his exceptional talent.
A man who had finally earned the hard-won position of serving as the Imperial Princess's guard, only to lose it... and spend the rest of his life carrying the shame of failing to protect his master.
Worse still, that master had been branded a traitor.
He would be forced to let his remarkable talent rot beneath that disgrace.
Turning away, I looked back out the window.
The relentless rain had begun to ease.
Just then, the voices of the maids drifted through the poorly insulated door.
"What is she dragging this out for? Ugh, it's freezing."
"Lower your voice. She might hear."
"So what if she does? She's going to die anyway."
My eyes burned.
I had known.
Somewhere deep down, I had always known they were never truly my people.
One by one, the old maids had been replaced, and the newcomers had grown increasingly insolent.
Still, I had desperately pretended not to see it.
Now the truth pierced straight through my ears.
"I thought serving the Imperial Family would be my golden ticket, but it's nothing but a rotten rope."
Staring into the now-cold golden tea, I reflected on the past.
I really was a fool.
My father, the Crown Prince, had been murdered by my uncle, who coveted the throne.
Because of the complicated politics surrounding the succession, however, the throne had passed instead to my aunt, whose bloodline held a stronger claim.
That was when my uncle made his move.
He shifted the blame for murdering the Crown Prince and Princess onto my newly crowned aunt.
Then he approached me with kindness, urging me to avenge my father.
Like an idiot...
I believed every word.
I betrayed my aunt.
That had been his plan all along.
Without staining his own hands with blood, he removed the Empress...
...while turning me into a traitor as well.
And so I was swept helplessly through the center of a brutal struggle for the throne.
The result...
...was the golden cup of poisoned tea now resting in my hands.
I slowly swirled the cold tea.
A golden whirlpool spun inside the cup.
Outside...
the rain stopped.
Just as I raised the cup to my lips—
Ar grabbed my wrist.
The man who had never once laid his bare hand upon me, despite serving as my knight.
"Your Highness... it is not too late."
For the first time...
his voice trembled.
"..."
I gazed silently into his deep blue eyes.
Every emotion imaginable swirled within them.
I knew exactly what he wanted to say.
Run.
I slowly shook my head.
"If I try to reclaim what is mine... much blood will be spilled."
"And yours... would be the very first."
Ar pressed his lips tightly together.
If he failed to obey the new emperor's order to witness a traitor's execution...
If he allowed that traitor to escape...
No one would care about the truth.
Even if the truth someday came to light, a common-born knight without influence or powerful backing would simply fade from everyone's memory.
"...Live."
Even if I reclaimed everything...
What would be the point if I had to climb over his blood to reach it?
Every night I was already haunted by my aunt's blood, soaking the ground beneath my feet.
"Do you remember what you once told me?"
"That everyone carries a secret."
It had been years ago, the day we first met.
I had hidden the fact that I was royalty.
Back then, he had been a trainee knight, while I had secretly skipped one of my aunt's history lessons and escaped outside.
He had been quietly cleaning the deserted training grounds.
I had slipped inside to hide...
Only to be caught.
"You shouldn't enter here without permission," he'd said. "Tell me who you are."
Ten-year-old me had puffed out my chest and answered in the most imperial manner possible.
"My identity is a secret. You are not to ask."
He had laughed softly.
"Everyone has secrets."
"Then I won't ask."
"...Did I?"
Though he clearly remembered, he pretended otherwise.
After all, I had teased him about that day countless times.
"There must be a secret you carry as well."
That strange certainty...
It was why I had never forgotten his words.
"...It's nothing important."
"Then..."
"Tell me in our next life."
Without another moment's hesitation, I lifted the teacup.
The sweet golden liquid filled my mouth.
I closed my eyes.
And swallowed.
Fire erupted inside me.
It felt as though my stomach was being burned alive.
The agony spread through every inch of my body.
But my throat had already melted.
Even a scream refused to come.
A bitter, salty taste flooded my mouth.
Blood surged upward.
I clutched at my throat and chest, choking violently.
Ar caught me before I collapsed, pulling me tightly into his arms.
His pristine white knight's uniform bloomed crimson.
"...Please..."
"...Never forgive... your humble servant."
Something cold...
Something sharp...
Pierced the back of my neck.
At last...
Darkness gently swallowed my vision.
"I shall repay... this disloyalty... with my life..."
How much time had passed?
After what felt like an eternity, my eyes slowly opened.
...I drank the poison.
Why am I not dead?
Am I alive?
If I were, my uncle would have found a way to finish me off.
The room was warm.
Soft pale-green wallpaper covered the walls.
The ceiling was high.
Beneath me lay a bed so soft that it enveloped my body.
This wasn't the Cold Palace.
Did Ar... escape with me?
If so... perhaps this is the estate or villa of one of Grandfather's surviving loyal nobles.
A moment later...
Someone approached.
Grandfather...?
The emperor I had only ever seen in portraits.
He had died when I was very young, leaving me with almost no memories of him.
Did he come to welcome me into the afterlife?
I knew it.
I'm dead.
...I wonder where Aunt is.
I'll see her soon enough.
Smiling brightly at my grandfather, I found him returning an even brighter smile.
"Our little Melli doesn't even cry after waking from a nap anymore!"
I blinked.
Slowly, I wiggled my fingers.
Despite having supposedly died from poison, strength filled my tiny hands.
I reached toward him.
Then froze.
...Huh?
My hand...
It took only a tenth of a second for realization to strike.
"Waaaaaah!!"
Why is my hand like this?!
This was...
A baby's hand!
Small.
Round.
Soft.
Chubby little fingers.
The unmistakable hands of a toddler.
My own childhood hands.
I flailed wildly, but the heavy silk blankets wrapped tightly around me.
Even my legs refused to move properly.
"Uu... waaah!"
Even my tongue and lips felt unfamiliar.
I couldn't speak.
For a brief moment, I wondered if the poison had melted my tongue.
But then...
What about these tiny hands?
Grandfather suddenly looked completely flustered.
Then, to my utter horror...
He stuck out his tongue, pulled ridiculous faces, and shook his head exaggeratedly.
"What's wrong with our little Melli? Hmm?"
G-Grandfather...?
I stared at him in stunned silence.
Panicking, he shouted,
"Nurse! Nurse! Come quickly! What's wrong with the child?!"
The nurse rushed in and immediately scooped me into her arms.
Her face came close.
...Wait.
Why is she younger too?
More importantly...
Wasn't she dead?
Back then, when my uncle's bloody purge began, she had shielded me on the way to the Cold Palace.
She had been dragged away covered in blood.
I never learned whether she had survived.
I had always assumed the body being dragged across the ground had already been a corpse.
Yet the woman before me looked ten years younger.
Not a single scar marked her face.
"It's common for children to wake frightened after having a nightmare, Your Majesty. There's no need to worry."
A child?
Who...?
Me?
"...Wah?"
The countless thoughts crashing through my mind refused to organize themselves.
Only pitiful little sounds escaped my lips.
No matter how desperately I tried to speak, my tongue simply wouldn't cooperate.
Meanwhile, Grandfather stood over my crib, shaking a toy with complete seriousness.
"Aww, did our little baby get scared? Did our precious angel wake up startled?"
Hold on...
All my life I'd heard that Grandfather had been stern.
Stubborn.
A ruler without even a speck of mercy.
Then what... exactly... is this?
The overwhelming disconnect between rumor and reality sent chills racing down my spine.
"Uuuuh!"
In the midst of my confusion...
I noticed the calendar hanging on the wall.
Imperial Year 703.
"...What?"
703?
If it was Imperial Year 703...
Then I was...
Three years old.
In that instant—
My grandfather, alive once more.
My younger nurse.
My tiny child's body.
The calendar.
The scattered puzzle pieces finally locked into place.
And the moment they did...
My sanity shattered all over again.
I...
I've gone back in time?!
How?!
What is happening?!
Can somebody explain this?!
God?!
A little answer would be nice!
Please!
Why in the world did You send me back?
Do You have any idea how miserable my life was?
You're telling me to live through it all again?
Are You insane?
That wasn't just a miserable life—
It was a living hell.
No...
A sea of blood.
I never wanted to live through that nightmare again.
Or...
Did I commit some terrible sin?
But no matter how desperately I called...
God never answered.
And so...
I was given a second life.
