She reacted more strongly to the way I addressed the count than to my insinuation that she was being unfaithful.
“How I address him is my choice, Countess.”
“Why is it that all of you… why do you always treat him that way…?”
“Ah.”
Only then did I understand why she had shown me kindness while hiding a blade beneath it. Women in love were all alike in the end—blind, and at times greedy. She felt affection toward me because I resembled the count, yet at the same time she was jealous of the attention I received from him simply because we shared blood.
She was in love with the count.
“By ‘all of you,’ do you mean the marchioness and me?”
The corners of her eyes twisted. She stared at me as if she could not comprehend what I was saying.
“The marchioness? But she is your—”
“To me now, family is no different from strangers.”
I cut her off before she could finish.
Before my death, I had desperately longed for my parents’ love. I wanted the attention of my father, the marquis, and yearned for the warmth of my mother, the marchioness.
But when I had been Lee Jia, I had received more than enough parental love. My father had walked me home every day because he worried about his daughter walking alone at night, even while scolding me endlessly. My mother had packed side dishes in bundles, afraid her daughter living away from home might skip meals.
Now, the self called Lee Jia was stronger within me than the self called Vionne.
To me, my current family shared only blood. They were not truly family.
Too much time had already been wasted. I had nothing more to say to her.
My meddling ended here.
I had warned her clearly enough. The child’s fate was now in her hands. If she understood my warning, the child would live. If not, things would unfold exactly as they had before.
I did not wish for the child to die, but there was nothing more I could do.
“He’s the young lady’s maternal grandfather! Are you truly not going to meet him?”
She shouted after me in desperation as I walked away, but I left her behind and entered the mausoleum.
“Oh, our poor young miss…”
When I returned to my room after placing the urn inside the family mausoleum, I was greeted by the sight of my nursemaid crying.
“Her ladyship was so heartless… How is our young miss supposed to live all alone now…? Sob…”
Even when the marchioness had been alive, I had lived perfectly well on my own. Yet my nursemaid wept as though the heavens themselves had collapsed.
Two maids stood beside her, supporting and comforting her as she cried.
I’m tired.
Exhaustion suddenly swept over me like a tidal wave.
I had not stayed through the entire funeral. Since I was still a child, I had only attended the first and last days. Even so, this young body was already protesting from fatigue.
More than that, I had no idea what they were thinking, carrying on like this in front of me.
I sat quietly on the sofa and watched them. The soft cushions wrapped around my waist and hips comfortably. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep right there.
“Nursemaid, please stop crying.”
“At this rate, you’ll collapse too.”
“You need to stay strong. If you fall ill as well, what will happen to our young miss?”
How ridiculous.
Apparently unaware of my gaze, they continued showering her with consolation disguised as flattery. Encouraged by their words, my nursemaid cried even harder.
“I have to stay strong. I know I do… Sob… our poor young miss!”
I’m not pitiful, though.
Anyone listening would think I was the one who had died.
Ever since long ago, my nursemaid had always exaggerated even the smallest issue into a catastrophe. The death of the marchioness was certainly not a trivial matter, but both then and now, her death had little effect on me.
Still, I understood why my nursemaid grieved so deeply. She and the marchioness had been raised almost like sisters. It would have been stranger if she had not been heartbroken.
Because I understood her sorrow, I restrained the irritation slowly building inside me. Right now, sleep was far more important than scolding them.
My eyelids gradually drooped shut.
From somewhere far away, sleep beckoned sweetly to me.
It was the most seductive temptation in the world.
“…No, you can’t.”
“Move aside! I must… meet her…”
Through my drowsiness, I vaguely heard voices arguing.
People said the heaviest thing in the world was one’s eyelids. My consciousness slowly surfaced, but my eyes refused to open beneath the crushing weight of sleep. Since no one seemed intent on waking me, I felt no need to force myself up.
If it had been something important, my nursemaid would already have shaken me awake.
But no one did.
Which meant I could continue sleeping.
I surrendered myself once more to the temptation of slumber. It was simply too irresistible.
Had the commotion not continued growing louder, I would have sunk completely back into sleep.
“Step aside.”
“The young miss does not wish to see you.”
“I said I’ll hear it from the young lady herself.”
“If you continue this, I’ll call the knights.”
My nursemaid was arguing with someone.
I wanted to ignore it, but the voices only grew louder.
There was no woman in this household capable of openly arguing with my nursemaid.
She had been the marchioness’s childhood companion and had entered the Elicant household as her personal maid when the marchioness married the marquis. After my birth, she became my nursemaid while also acting as the head maid of the estate.
None of the maids or servants in this house dared question or refuse her commands.
The marquis rarely involved himself in household affairs unless something serious occurred.
As for the marchioness, she had little interest in managing the estate. In practice, my nursemaid handled nearly everything.
No servant would dare challenge her authority.
Only three people in this household could oppose her directly: the marquis, myself, and the butler who oversaw the estate.
The marquis was impossible to quarrel with, and it certainly wasn’t me.
Then that only leaves the butler…
But the butler was a man.
And the woman arguing with my nursemaid had a strangely familiar voice.
At last, I had no choice but to force open my heavy eyelids.
A flicker of irritation rose within me toward the two women disturbing my sleep.
“In private, that makes me the young lady’s grandmother. Surely I have every right to see her?”
“How dare someone like you—”
“What’s going on?”
I interrupted my nursemaid before she could continue.
I understood why she disliked the countess, but openly disrespecting her was another matter entirely. Whatever the past may have been, the countess was still a noblewoman. A commoner openly insulting nobility was dangerous.
“It’s nothing, my lady. You’re tired, so please go rest.”
My nursemaid hurried toward me. Her large frame blocked my vision as she tried to guide me back toward the bedroom.
Avoiding her grasp, I walked instead toward the countess, who still stood at the doorway blocked by the maids.
“We seem to be meeting rather often today, Countess.”
“My lady!”
My nursemaid shouted sharply.
Her face was filled with disapproval, but I ignored her and gestured toward the countess.
“Don’t just stand there. Come inside.”
The maids blocking the doorway glanced anxiously between my nursemaid and me, uncertain what to do.
I frowned at them.
Even then, they merely hesitated and looked pleadingly toward my nursemaid.
“My lady, that woman is—”
“And who exactly are you referring to?”
“L-My lady…?”
My cold tone made my nursemaid’s eyes widen in shock.
To her, this version of me must have felt utterly unfamiliar.
Eight years.
I had spent eight full years as empress.
To preserve even a shred of dignity while seated on the imperial throne, one needed the power to crush others beneath them. The moment you allowed people—especially subordinates—to look down on you, they sharpened that contempt into weapons and turned them against you.
Back then, all I knew how to do was throw tantrums. Like a spoiled child demanding a toy, I pushed and demanded whatever I wanted.
Everyone around me indulged me.
Naturally, I grew more arrogant with every passing day.
I never realized they secretly mocked me behind my back. I believed every smile they showed me and every flattering word they spoke.
I thought I was special. Chosen.
So of course they should praise me and devote themselves to me.
At the time, I never imagined it could all be false.
How foolish I had been.
The moment those lies shattered, my life became hell.
The very mouths that once flattered me now cursed me, and the power and wealth I had handed them became weapons used to attack me.
Within that hell, I had no choice but to learn how to protect myself.
I still possessed power.
And I learned how to wield it.
A cold voice and commanding authority were excellent tools for exercising power.
People feared me.
At the very least, no one dared speak carelessly in front of me anymore.
That was how I had survived eight years as empress.
“If you can’t stay quiet, then leave.”
I spoke mercilessly to my nursemaid.
Her eyes filled with tears of hurt.
In the past, I would have rushed to defend her without thinking of the consequences, like an immature child throwing a tantrum. But now, I had no choice.
Even if I appeared cruel, this was far better for her.
If the countess chose to make an issue of this, matters would become serious.
No matter what, the countess was a noblewoman, while my nursemaid was a commoner. The difference in status here was a wall that could never be ignored.
If the countess formally demanded punishment from the marquis’s household, they would have no choice but to comply.
After all, insulting nobility was a grave offense.
“M-My lady… how could you treat me this way…?”
My nursemaid looked utterly devastated.
To someone who only knew the old me—the girl who always clung to her skirts and obeyed whatever she said—this shock was only natural.
I no longer wished to waste time dealing with her agitation.
Pointing toward the two maids still blocking the countess, I gave my order.
“You two. Take the nursemaid outside.”
“…What?”
“My lady!”
Even after hearing my command, the maids still looked toward the nursemaid for approval.
Their behavior alone showed just how completely I had been smothered beneath my nursemaid’s influence all these years.
I had known it to some extent already, but the reality was worse than I had imagined.
Things I had never noticed before now stood out with painful clarity.
Perhaps it was because the self called Lee Jia had grown stronger within me, allowing me to look at my surroundings objectively.
I hardened my voice further.
“Or would you like to be dragged out with her?”
